Forgiveness: Powerful Truths You Must Know (and 3 Dangerous Myths)
ETC Discussion Position Paper: Personal Forgiveness:
Forgiveness is not
pretending that sin and pain do not matter or condoning it. It is needed because sin and its pain do matter. It is not something to be withheld until the person asks for it, but should always be offered (Mark 11:25).
saying that the violator should be free to violate again. Society must be protected. It is not letting the violator “get away” with the crime. Justice does not disappear because forgiveness appears.
forgetting that something happened. This is impossible. Remembrance combined with hate and anger is toxic, but remembrance with forgiveness is healing. The violator also must be made to remember and encouraged to confession and asking for forgiveness as acts of repentance.
Forgiveness is
giving up the right to hate the violator and to seek personal vengeance against them. It is desiring the best for the violator (love), and giving over their judgment to the government and to God.
God’s Justice, Not Ours
Ultimately, all sins are against God. God always forgives where there is repentance. Repentance accepts God’s payment in Christ for man’s punishment. Final judgment belongs to God alone. “’Vengeance is Mine’ says the Lord.” (Deut. 32:35; Rom 12:19; Heb. 10:30) God has granted temporal justice and punishment to government (Rom. 13:4). Joseph knew he could not take God’s position by withholding forgiveness or taking revenge. He asked, “Am I in the place of God?” (Gen. 50:19) We all must answer “No.”
The Fruit of Being Forgiven
The evidence that one has been forgiven of all sins by God is that you now forgive others (Matt. 6:14-15). An unforgiving heart shows that you have not received forgiveness from God. Forgiving others does not earn you release. This is by God’s grace, but like fire always goes together with smoke, so do being forgiven and forgiving (Matt. 18: 21-35). God has forgiven us everything so we should forgive (Eph. 4:32; Col. 3:13)
Forgiveness can facilitate reconciliation, but it is not always possible. You may forgive an offender, but rightly do not trust them. You may offer it to the irreconcilable.
Tutsis must give up hate, anger and personal vengeance toward Hutus. They must trust God and let government be responsible for justice and punishment. In the end, judgment and punishment will come perfectly from God.
Forgiveness Frees the Wounded
True Christian forgiveness is not a denial of justice but a submission to God’s justice. This is especially important when the offense is deep or repeated, as in cases of violence, betrayal, or abuse. Forgiveness is not pretending nothing happened, nor is it enabling further harm. Rather, it is entrusting the matter to the righteous Judge who sees all things and will one day set all wrongs right. In this way, forgiveness is both an act of faith and a path to healing.
Those who have been deeply wounded may find freedom in releasing the offender from personal vengeance, knowing that God has not overlooked their pain. Whether in families, churches, or nations recovering from trauma, forgiveness brings healing and restores peace to the soul. As we reflect on the gospel, we remember that God forgave us while we were still sinners (Rom. 5:8)—this is the radical foundation for forgiving others.
The burden of an unforgiving heart is too heavy to bear. The burden of giving out personal revenge is too heavy to bear. When forgiveness is withheld, the victim carries a burden that will destroy their personal peace. Jesus is our model, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34). We must follow Christ’s example like Stephen, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them” (Acts 7:60).